Thursday, November 1, 2007

Today went slow. Work was ridiculously tedious, and drama ensued.
What can I tell you...hmm...lets go back to my last post:

Ah yes. Erich and I had to have a small discussion. Actually, lemme rephrase that....we had a HUGE discussion. Erich...I fear....has been....misleading me.

Before we got the internet, which I was hesitant to get because of previous relationships, I spoke to Erich on the fear I had about us being dishonest, and using the internet for more....distrustful things. We both swore to be honest, and faithful, and not do anything stupid.


I hate Myspace. The ONLY reason I use myspace is my entire family is on it. If you look at my friends list, Top 8 are bros and sisters, and my mom. I have friends from work. Steve is still on the list, because I can keep tabs on him with his whereabouts of my son. No one else.

Erich recently started using Myspace. His myspace had girls. Not tons, mind you, but a good number. At first, I was okay.

Then one day, Erich was texting someone. I happened to ask who it was, he explained it was a friend from online, named Angie. There was nothing between them, he said. Nor would there ever be. Okay, whatever.
So then he starts sending stuff to her on myspace. All the time.
Suddenly, he's hiding his phone whenever I'm in the room. Erasing all text messages before letting me see his phone for any reason. He pulls down Myspace screens, and his email is never accessed if I'm around. He's being....sneaky.

I'm immediately shaken, and worried. I ask to meet her, and he says no, I wouldn't want to. She's a nobody.

Finally, to make a long story short, I confronted him. He tells me yeah, he was hiding things about her, because she just broke up with her ex, and he was giving her advice, and he thought if I knew, I'd think they were doing stuff together. Now, don't get me wrong, I trusted him. But finally, he erased her number off his phone and says he isn't going to talk to her anymore, because he wants me to know that he's all about earning trust.

Few days later, I go online, and Angie is leaving comments on his myspace, in response to comments he left on hers. At first, I was thinking, okay, just let it go, it's not a big deal. But it was. I felt like I was being lied to. So I finally confronted Erich and said, not that I mind if you talk to her, but why did you say you wouldn't, but now you are on Myspace? His answer was that he had specified text messages and phone calls. He never said anything about Myspace.

Now, it's not like they're sending sordid messages to each other, or planning to hook up, which I will speak more on in a minute. It's just friendly, congrats on your engagement, and I'm sorry about what happened, sort of emails. I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is the fact that he refuses to allow me to meet her, he refuses to allow me to talk to her.
So I emailed her.

Lo and behold! She's hurt by his extreme behavior, says he suddenly took her off his friends list, and wont talk to her anymore. She has no clue why. I told her the reason I was insecure, and she was genuinely shocked that he felt it necessary to keep the two of us from talking.


I find out two shocking things in one day-and I'm seriously pissed about this, even right now.
First off, Erich said nothing but friendship with Angie and him. I found out he had slept with Angie when him and his ex Kassie were on "a break." SO, strike one. He lied to me about sleeping with her, and to me, there is NO SUCH THING as a friggin break. So he cheated on Kassie. And never told her what he had done.
TWO. I find out the girl who most recently asked me to be her friend, Jenell, was also an EX of Erichs.
*Please note:When we first started dating, Erich said he hadn't had sex since him and Kassie broke up."
He slept with her after him and Kassie broke up.
So now, he's talking to two ex's, online and on the phone, and lied about his relationship with both of them.
Since then, the girls and I have been in contact, which apparently pissed of the "player" over there. He's not mad at me, he just "wishes they would leave his life for good." If he wanted them out of his life, he wouldn't have texted them, myspace'd them. He wouldn't have still kept in contact with them. He wouldn't have kept a picture of Angie's boobs on his phone, (until I found out about it, then he erased it rather quickly) and he wouldn't be LYING to me.
I'm severely hurt. And pissed.

I know that he's a wonderful man, in every other way. But. There it is. The but. The fact that I'm looking at my fiance and saying, he's great....but.... there's a definite problem.

I dunno what to do. I don't feel like I should be marrying him now. I he's gonna cheat on me. I mean, he's lied to me about so much else, that I don't know if I can believe him. If he'd lied to me about how much bratwurst he ate, or how much money he'd spent, I'd be upset, but I'd still want to marry him.

Now...I just look at the lies he's told, and even though he hasn't cheated on me, I fear that the possibility is more real than I had previously thought. Do I think he's going to be faithful?.....I don't. I see his actions, and they speak far louder than his words.

I keep crying, because I have these horrible dreams of Erich saying he doesn't love me anymore, and for me to leave. I keep crying because I really do LOVE Erich. I mean, he's so sweet, considerate, kind, friendly. But the ex-girlfriend thing has really got my insides in a twist...if he cheated on his girlfriend of 3 years with someone else....what will happen to me in three years? Will he still want to be with me then. I don't know his heart. I can't look into his eyes and verify if it's true or not...

I'm planning a wedding that I don't think I should be having. And unless something changes, I'm gonna have to call it off. I refuse to put myself in a situation, AGAIN, where I'm paranoid, scared, lied to on a constant basis, and depressed. I want to be free, free of the scares...

I love this guy....but what do I do?


Joshua said...

Deja Vu, yeah?

Look, you know me. You know I am not one to sugar coat things. This doesn't look good.

It isn't the talking to the ex, or the texting, or any of that. I think we have talked about this before: that is all very natural. Even some flirting is pretty normal. There were feelings there, and you dont just turn those off when you meet someone new. And guys like to know, or think, they could still have them, so they feel the waters every now and again. It doesn't mean they will do anything, or that they love you less.

However. Hiding shows intent. It does not show that "he thinks you would get mad" It shows that it is an offense worth getting mad over. Otherwise, he would not think you would get mad, or would not care, because he would explain it when you did. If he is hiding it from you, he knows he has done something wrong, and he is choosing to keep it up despite yoru feelings. This is not acceptable behavior in a relationship.

What I cannot speak to is what you should do. I know what I would do, but I am not you. I think I know what you will do, too, and I caution against it. Do not dwell on this: make a decision, and then make it happen. The worst thing you can do is brood, and pout, and make him feel worse and you feel worse. If you are sticking with him, then you need to give him teh genuine opportunity to redeem himself. If you are not, then get out and do not come back.

Thoughtful resolve will win the day. Good Luck.

*jen* said...

I wish I knew what to say Steph. It doesn't look good. All I can suggest is that you two sit down and talk about whats going on. Not fight, but just tell Erich how this is making you feel and your fears. If ya need to talk, I'm here.